The festive season can be a particularly difficult time if you are having trouble conceiving or have experienced pregnancy loss. Being surrounded by people, focussed on family, friendships and celebrations can be tough going when you are feeling disappointed and sometimes really sad.People having difficulty conceiving, going through IVF, or who have experienced a miscarriage often don’t tell anyone else, preferring to keep the information to themselves. While this is completely understandable, it can add to feelings of sadness and isolation. Whilst nothing will magically erase your feelings, there are some things that you can do to help get you through this really difficult time.
Firstly, allow yourself to feel your sadness and give yourself the space to do so. Don’t try to fight it or supress it as that won’t make it go away.
Acknowledge that you are struggling and finding some tasks or situations difficult and be ok with that. Our life is a journey, and whilst that sounds a little cliché, when you really give yourself the time and allow yourself feel the sadness this can be a really healing process for you. We are not machines, we are human, and we need to give ourselves permission to have feelings.
Talk to someone that you’re close to – a friend that understands and will listen to you. Invite them to please just listen. Tell them they don’t need to fix anything as nothing is broken, but just ask them to listen.
Practice being present in the moment. Choose an activity that you love to do such as a beach walk, cuddle someone you care about, have a relaxing bath, play with you dog or cat. Do this actively and pay active attention using all your senses, engaging fully in the moment. Notice all the thoughts just leaving your mind as you become fully aware of how the actively makes your feel. Immerse yourself in the pure luxury of awareness.
Watch your thinking. Quite often it’s our unhelpful thoughts about ourselves and those private messages in our minds that can affect our daily living. These thoughts often act as triggers for painful emotions and create barriers that prevent positive feelings.
How to watch your thinking:
• look at your thoughts and notice thoughts rather than being caught up in them
• allow your thought to just come and go rather than holding on to them
• ask yourself does this thinking support and help me be who I want to be?
It is import to understand that these thoughts are just words and pictures from your mind. As you practice noticing the process of your thinking take note and remind yourself that thoughts do not control our actions.
Practice self-kindness and self-care. Embrace what you value about yourself and what is truly meaningful to you.
Family and friends can be valued sources of support during this time. It is essential for you have support and not to feel isolated. Someone to chat too, so explore your circle of influence and choose someone that you feel safe to express emotions such as crying and intense sadness that is often felt. A counsellor can also be a valued support while your journey through this tough life experience.
And lastly, just remember
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think! AA Milne
Jaylene Fuge-Cuk is Counsellor at Well2. She has a special interest in working with clients experiencing infertility, pregnancy loss and grief.
You can read more about Jaylene here
For bookings with Jaylene phone 8362 6622 or contact the clinic via our contact form
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